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I was reading Beverly Cleary books and wishing I could be a horse. The second time I was kissed I was twelve or thirteen. He sat on my bed, ran his hand under the covers and put his fingers up inside me. It hurt. He made me hold his penis and rub it. He laughed. I went to school the Seattle guy seeks black female for lust day, sitting in class like nothing happened.

I told my mother only that he had propositioned me, not anything else. It took twenty years and much therapy before I could Seattle guy seeks black female for lust her the full story, before I could admit it even to myself. This man had known me since I was nine — he had two daughters.

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How had this happened? Had he started listening to locker room banter?

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When I was fifteen I was date raped at summer camp by a boy Glack had a crush on. Did he not hear me? The next day I tried to talk to him, to tell him what had happened wasn't okay.

He looked at me with a blank face and dead eyes. I blamed myself.

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I ran into that boy at a Christmas party decades later. I gained weight. In college I was careful. If a guy showed interest and seemed safe and we started dating, I pretended to get drunk and pass out, just to see what he might do.

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There was a park and families came to enjoy the sunset in the evenings. Fishermen lined the water. It was a popular place. That day had been Women seeking clit Thailand. The clouds cleared by late afternoon, but when I arrived the park was empty. I had never seen it like this.

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Turning my head I got a glimpse of them.

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On the subway home, I sat on the hard, plastic seat rocking back and forth. There were four other people in the compartment: The train compartments did not have doors connecting the cars.

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I felt sick, panicked that the couple might get off at the next station and leave me in a closed compartment with two men. I no longer knew what ludt might be capable of. When I saw her, I burst into tears and she thought someone had died.

She was not entirely wrong. The next day I asked the dean of my academic program to go with me to the police station.

We spent the afternoon looking at mug shots of known rapists.

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